Where's Your Companion?

Me. Happily Swimming. By Myself.

Let’s talk about the MOST frequently asked questions I get here:

  1. Where’s your companion?
  2. No companion? (Heavy inflection UP at the end)
  3. Are you married?
  4. Do you have a boyfriend?
  5. Do you believe in Christ? (Let’s leave this one out of this current blog post shall we…)

Wow. So thank god I don’t have a complex about being single. Note to insecure women everywhere - don’t travel to highly Catholic countries where everyone is married with multiple children since it seems like forever.

Let’s talk then about my answers. I like to say things like:

  1. Don’t have one. (Straight and to the point).
  2. Oh you know boys, they are so much work! It’s like having another job! (This is meant to make the women giggle).
  3. The Lord hasn’t introduced me to him yet. (I use this to really just stop the conversation because what can you really say in response?)
  4. Someday, someday. (I try to look wistful and off into the distance…)
  5. No shit, where is he? (Mostly I say this to myself when I’m being asked by a taxi driver or the guy at security in the mall/boat terminal/airport/really guards everywhere ask, what’s up with that? Does no one walk around by themselves? Or I say this when I’m carrying a heavy bag. Or reaching for something on a high shelf.)

The staff at my microfinance ask all the time too. After all there are 11 branches I’m responsible for and that’s a lot of people to meet. Seeing as this is THE MOST POPULAR TOPIC, I’m asked daily. Multiple times.

So let’s talk about the responses to my responses:

  1. You’re young, you have time. (Like don’t stress out and throw yourself off a bridge just because you’re the only person within 100 miles not married and over the age of 25).
  2. Do you want to get married? (Otherwise inferred as SPINSTER FOR LIFE?)
  3. Have you had other boyfriends? (I think this is trying to determine if I possibly could be gay. Sharing shoes and purses does sound awesome..wait…)
  4. You want to marry a Filipino (this doesn’t come from men, but from women with sons. I get this from Kiva Borrowers).
  5. Blank stare. Like really not comprehending why not.

I mean, after two months straight, it hasn’t subsided. Not even a little.

I’m really not going to get into a huge philosophical conversation 99% of the time on this subject. The whole argument of “I want to make sure it’s the one so I won’t get divorced” doesn’t work here since there is NO divorce. (You heard right. None. Few annulments but expensive and rare).

I tried once saying something like, “What if we have more than one right person? More than one great love?” To which I got this look like I was saying, “I like to light my hair on fire and let it burn because I like the smell.” or “I once rode a unicorn.”

I said this because I’ve had a great love. A huge wonderful great love and it didn’t work and it’s still a bit of a touchy subject so I mean, I have to essentially say that I’ll love someone else as much as that and it seems pretty far away. But the ebb and flow of that conversation didn’t really work because here you have one boyfriend. You get married (pregnant often times first) and that’s it. There you go.

But I’ll tell you this. I don’t lie. I don’t say, “Oh I have a boyfriend back in the States.” I know many women (and men) who lie when asked this questions to make their lives easier, to just end the conversation, to whatever. I just don’t like to lie. I mean I am single. And it wasn’t an easy place to get into and I wouldn’t say I go around OWNING it, but like here I am. I’m not threatened or feel unsafe because of it. I don’t feel harassed. The Philippines aren’t like that - a place where you should lie like say Egypt or Morocco (sorry but really true. I’ve been to both.)

So there you have it.

Do I really believe that the right person for me is out there? Yeah, absolutely I do. Do I want to get married and have a really wonderful marriage and kids and the dog and all that goes along with it.

Gulp. Pause for dramatic affect. Wait, hold on.

Yes. No really I do. I have too big of heart not to share it with someone. But man oh man, do they lay it on thick here. I could make my life so much easier by just making someone up…I just don’t want to. I’m really enjoying some time on my own and without having to answer or abide by someone else’s wishes and I’m really fine just the way everything is.

As for the issue about Christ…it’s not the question that gets me. It’s that taxi drivers ask me and random people everywhere. That’s another topic for another time.

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