3 Keys To A Healthy Marriage

It’s so crazy that in just under 2 weeks I’ll be getting married! Our to-do list is long. Last week, after a busy day at work and separate work events, we needed a dinner out to get away from inside our own heads and everything we have left to do. Embrace the blur. A good friend said to us early on in our engagement, “You’re only engaged once. Enjoy every moment.” You really have to remember sentiments like that when the wedding planning (or wedding buying as my friend Kellee calls it).

So we met up for dinner at Odeon. A great little spot in TriBeCa that has been in the neighborhood for over 20 years.

We sit down and there was a really sweet looking couple next to us. They had a glow to them. He was wearing a bow tie and a suit, she was wearing a beautiful dress with a shawl. They were staring lovingly at each other and talking in a low tone and loving exchange that couples can do when they are really comfortable with each other.

Suddenly, their dessert came to the table, with candles and the whole waitstaff bringing it over and clapping for them.

They look at us and ask if we can take their photo (they asked the perfect couple, right?!). They met there on a blind date and are celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary. They come back every year to celebrate.

Of course, I couldn’t help myself! After they finished dessert I told them that we were getting married in two weeks. I asked if they had any advice for us. They gave us perhaps the BEST advice I’ve heard yet. They said there were three keys to a good marriage.

Humor. Flexibility. Loyalty. It stuck with us. We talked about it the whole walk home. There are a lot of words and advice people can give about how to keep a relationship going, how to keep it strong and thriving. But I loved their advice. Here’s my expansion on their advice.

Humor: You have to be able to laugh together. Life is long. There is a lot that will happen. You can’t take yourself too seriously and you can’t take your partner too seriously either. You need humor between the two of you to keep things light and to be able to see the other person smile and laugh.

Flexibility: Sometimes you want to go left and your partner wants to go right. This could be a major as moving to a new city or as simple as wanting to order different Chinese food for dinner. It’s so critical to be maleable and flexible for your person. And it’s important for them to be flexible with you. Relationships are always in flux, it’s give and take. And in order to be successful you have to be flexible.

Loyalty: This is such a strong word it could go without explanation. You have to be endlessly committed and loyal to your partner. Fierce even. You have to stand by them, stand up for them, and understand that life is long and that loyalty is the foundation that will allow you to be flexible with each other and have humor to be able to laugh together. I don’t think the other two can stand up without loyalty.

It was so serendipitous. We are creating our own definitions and descriptions for what makes our relationships work. If you have any (free) advice to share, I’m all ears!