Getting Back In The Groove

December 16th, 2009

Lifes crossroads. Marigny, New Orleans.

Funny how time slips by when we let it. A day, a week, a month. How easy it can be to fall out of patterns and how hard it can be to break back in. Yes, if you’ve noticed, I’ve been absent from blogging these past few weeks. It’s not that I’ve been at a loss for words, or life experiences to share, I think I just needed some time to be by myself. With my thoughts.

And that’s ok right?

It has to be. I mean after all, it’s my life.

But yet I still feel the guilt. Do I say, “Oh, I’ve just moved to a new city and am getting an apartment for the first time in a year and I’m kinda freaking out and need to take this time for me.” No. No, I don’t. I feel sheepish, my head low. I feel bad, I feel guilty. ** This is the way our online relationships are.** We need them, but they need us, and we get used to them needing us and when that relationship is out of whack it can be hard to pick up again.

Sometimes, I see on people’s blogs that they’ve taken a break from posting. You know what I look at? The first post when they pick back up again. What was strong enough to make them push “publish?” Alternatively, I look at people’s first post ever. What did someone feel strong enough about that they wanted - needed even - to hit the fingers to the keypad and get typing?

Did they acknowledge it was their first post? Or a return to something? Or did they just dive right in?

Here’s what I know. We think, we discuss with friends and within our trusted network, we stick our toes in, we test the waters, we debate, we flounder, and then at some point we do. Add steps, take steps away. Make the time frame milliseconds or years. This is called process. We each have a process for doing the things we want to. And at the end of the day, sometimes we jump in and go. But sometimes we choose, again, to sit on the sidelines and wait. Wait for a sign, wait for a better moment, wait because we’re scared or we don’t know what to say, or worry about the outcome, or for most of the unknowns to be known. We wait.

Factors are weighted. As they should be. But for those moments when we know - just KNOW - that it’s not really the big deal we make something out to be. That it’s ok. For THOSE decisions and those moments, trust yourself enough to say, “Hey man, I got this.”

We only live once. I only live once. I’m willing to show my weaknesses (well some of them) as much as I’m willing to share my strength. I can’t guarantee these lapses won’t happen again, and I can’t say I’m entirely sorry they did. I can’t say I won’t feel less guilty next time and I can’t say for certain this moment of clarity will see me through the day. But I can say I’m getting back in the groove. And willing to have a go at it. Which, you gotta admit, is something.

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